Without love, all that we do is
worthless.
As we grow, the definition of
love often acquires a rebirth and exposes a broader horizon to our journey.
I start this second essay with
the depiction of a young girl who is in love. She has her
whole mind and heart revolving around this young man, the object of her love.
She is prepared to leave whatever she’s got at any inkling for this cupid. She
would not imagine a life without him; this would simply be nothing but death.
This feeling and desire is what I shall call Eros, and Eros is a very
beautiful experience, but that which has got to be managed, otherwise it
becomes dangerous.
Many grown-ups are aware of this
necessary phase in the life of a young person. The imprudent adult rubbishes
and zeroes this experience and leaves the young girl feeling bewildered and more
confused. The wise ones guide her along this dangerous but necessary path
whatever be the outcome.
Back to our story. Eventually the
worst happened: our young girl became heartbroken: the boy leaves her. Her life
support was snapped; life seemed nothing but wicked. She felt suicidal; she couldn't
go on of her own strength. I maintain
that this is Destiny’s way of calling her unto something greater, even though
she knew not, this is her own personal journey
back and it becomes eternally fruitful, if she remains faithful and true to
her experience.
Then, she could see nothing but
misfortune, but in actual fact, painful as it was, the experience was simply an
invitation to advance in wisdom, to be detached and to venture more into the more
honourable path of true love. To her, life seemed no more to go forward
anymore, but for Destiny, it is simply a journey to the truth.
And this depiction of Eros is not limited only to young
people; it is as wide and varied. For instance, I once asked a friend what his
ultimate motive was .He replied that he hoped to work hard, retire and spend
the remaining part of his life fishing. He was passionate about this hobby. I
delved into the issues of family, community and suggested if he would be
interested in impacting his society, but he would hear nothing of such, his
ultimate goal in life is a time for his passion: fishing; I admire a man with a
passion which is the starting point (many there are who don’t have future
ambitions), but I just couldn’t bring myself to understanding a whole life
spent in an inedible fishing pastime in the midst of all opportunities. This
sort of passion like that of my friend is as varied, it could be love of music,
fashion, food, money etc. While I consider these the starting point, I cannot
see it as a destination in itself.
Back to the story of our girl.
The experience didn’t break her, she was instead detached by it and understood
deeper the sole purpose of love. Years passed and she got married to a man she loved sincerely
and maturely , being no more attached to the frivolity of emotion but to the
truthfulness of love. During her married life, something else began to crop up,
something unlike the ‘shaky’ love she felt as a girl, a love more gentle, calm
and more reasonable, but equally disturbing; that which, however plausible, was
not the ultimate (though she thought it was then until she had to face another
reality): It was the love for her family, most especially her children who were
indeed everything to her. Life without them became unthinkable. This is a kind
of love I shall describe as Filial.
The older she grew, the more
attached to her children she was, and the more ‘responsible’ for their destiny
she became. Then, these children began to leave home; they started graduating
from school and getting married. She knew sooner she would have to face the
reality of being without them. Even though she had been a faithful wife and a
wonderful mother, she discovered that love goes deeper than family ties, that
which were now being snapped from her, for good.
Events in life and ageing could force
us out from Eros to Filial, but without early practice and
constant faith, dedication and commitment, it would be difficult to proceed from
Filial unto the next stage. Most fall
from the snap of Filial, not back
unto Eros- which would be nothing-
but further into what I call Principality.
Upon reaching the Filial spot, the
journey further would be impossible without the Divine.
I once asked a woman what her
ultimate motive for hustling so much for her children was. She replied that in
the hope that, one day they would be well learned, get good jobs and be able to
support her and the family. Plausible, but short sighted and in danger of an
aversion unto this Principality that
I talk about.
Many there are who after the Filial snap find succour in altruistic
deeds like community works, charitable deeds or Godly service. These are very
commendable but in danger of an escape from the Agape call, which is the destination of this journey of love
because it is where authentic freedom and liberation resides. The novelty of
fathoming the inaccessible horizon which is the summit of our journey belongs
only to a faith assisted by humility and charity. Agape does not blame Filial
and Eros; it journeys with them,
without being attached to them.
Agape stems from a detached heart, a detachment from self, from
loved ones and from the world, and it is of such that makes a companion of Filial and Eros without being a slave to them. This novelty of love becomes
like a horizon which broadens unto infinity. Love becomes purified and
everything points to this purity of love. The journey forth is not about us, it
simply happens because of us. For instance, we see daily, all around us, those
good examples of people who fast, keep long vigils, pay tithes, offerings and stipends,
who perform all forms of ascetic practices and altruistic deeds in order to
venture towards this liberating path, but this journey to the truth of love is
not a guarantee even for them, it belongs entirely to the choice of the Divine.
According to Christ: Many would seek to enter through the narrow gate and would
not succeed. If such plausible deeds would not succeed therein, what then would
become of us who don’t even venture at all?
But my consolation is in this discovery:
this power of truth which liberates goes hand in hand with a holy
dissatisfaction, it belongs, not to those who visibly make the effort, not even
to those who are aware, but to those who know they are not where they should be
and passionately long to be where they should without ‘killing’ themselves over
it or arrogantly judging the others who venture, albeit not like them. The
victory lies in our desire, not in our arrival. Blessed are the poor in Spirit;
blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness.
I would like to end this 2nd
of the 7 parts of my essay with a quote from the Little Flower which summarises
the summit of this journey of love. She said about herself: “Because my heart
is centred on God, it has manifested a more purified; sincere affection farther
than it would have done if it had spent itself in selfish and barren loves. All
things have come to me because I no longer seek them for myself”.
